There’s a place for everything – and everything in its place? Or…?

Ever get the feeling that life is preordained?  That everyone, and everything, fits neatly into its place?  And those of you who don’t quite fit in, well, it must be your fault?.  That anyone who didn’t fit, well, if they only had a little tweak, or push, then they’d fit perfectly.

I know a young girl, around 18 years old, who had for some years had a general sense of ‘being different’. Misbehaviour at school, and failure to complete work – both at school and through her apprenticeship were explained away (by her) as “the teachers just don’t understand me!”  Her mother despaired, teachers despaired – she was certainly bright enough to do well.  She cottoned on to other children who had been labelled as ‘autistic’ or having dyspraxia or similar conditions, and eventually persuaded her grandmother to stump up for an independent psychiatric assessment.   When the results came back, she was delighted to find that she did, certainly, have a mild form of autism, one that could be treated either by counselling or by some medication.  She was so pleased, though, just to have the diagnosis – confirmation of her thoughts.  “Just wait till I tell my employer and my college, now they’ll understand,” were her first words.  She was, in essence, delighted at now being able to ‘fit in’ – not by changing her behaviour, but by having the right label – in effect, being told she was the right shape to fit into the jigsaw puzzle of life.

But actually, nothing has changed.  She is still the same 18-year-old girl.  And for all the assessments, models and tests that are around, she still works, thinks and operates in the same way. And unless she changes how she does things, with full recognition of the way her mind works, she simply won’t make very significant progress in the world:  life just won’t make adjustments for her.  She will have to make adjustments to how she approaches things.

“How does that affect me?” you may (reasonably) be asking.  “Is Sean going to start analysing me and fitting me into the jigsaw puzzle of life?”

At the end of the day, the tests and assessment (and the creation of the tests and assessments) of modern-day ‘analysis’ (psychiatric, pseudo-psychiatric and business) are usually part of a profit-making initiative – as are so many of the current ‘investigations’ that are available.  They are provided by people whose ultimate motive is a financial one.  The testing regime is one that they have probably (hopefully!) been trained in – frequently at great cost to them.  In many cases people go through what is ultimately a box-ticking exercise, to establish which basic category one fits into.  We rarely question how wide is the experience of the tester.  Deep, certainly – they may have been doing it for years.  But how broad is their knowledge of human life and the various elements of business that their clients will encounter?

I don’t try to shave pieces off, to fit your round-pegness into life’s squareness.  But I try to work with you to understand just how and where you can modify some of  your approaches – and also modify some of your expectations and requirements. In other words, we modify both the roundness and the squareness.  The resultant shape may not be regular;  in fact you’ll possibly find it hard to find another person to fit exactly into your particular ‘hole’ in the world, but the main thing is that you fit it.  I use the breadth of my understanding, and help you come to terms with your requirements.  There’s no ‘one size fits all’ with my clients – they are all different.  I’m not getting you to tick boxes in some preordained (and expensively created) matrix, in order for me to work my mystique and magic, and intone various ‘sector2’ and ‘factor G’ imprecations.  

No, what we end up with is a completely workable scenario, one which has been exclusively, completely and totally tailored to you, your requirements and your circumstances.  My very wide breadth of business expertise, and long experience of working with completely different clients, for very different purposes, all help me work with you – and help me help you.

All of us have to fit in – with our friends, our families, our employers and our colleagues.  And, regrettably, there’s no simple ‘label’ that we can apply to you to make you fit in.  You DO need to change (to a greater or lesser extent) your behaviours, expectations, wants and desires.  You need to be realistic in terms of what you can achieve – and what you can expect from others.

But the million-dollar question is “What do I need to change?”  And this is where I come into the equation.  I’ll work with you over a period of time, hearing your thoughts, expectations, desires and hopes.  I’ll help you understand what is reasonable and achievable – and help you understand what you need to do to make them more reasonable or achievable.. 

If you feel it would be worthwhile having a brief, no-cost, no-obligation chat about any of the concepts here and discuss how they could generate value for you and your business, contact Sean on sean@refinity.co.uk or call 01522 700600.

www.refinitycoaching.co.uk